To Be Back There

Clouds covered the sky, and it rained. Only a few drops, but it rained. And as it rained, I journaled.
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I wish I could describe this summer in one word, but my vocabulary fails to find one suitable. I've certainly cried a lot of tears, laughed a lot of laughs, treasured many, many moments, and wished that others never happened, but I've yet to experience a time of such desperation and helplessness as I did this summer.

Over the past two months, the Lord allowed certain events to transpire that I did not anticipate. In His great wisdom and grace, He allowed me to feel emotions that left me running, sometimes in my weakness crawling, to Him, and I have to say that I'm grateful for His provision. Even if it was painful.

Reflecting on June and July, though, I pray that I would be in that place again- that place of desperation and helplessness, because I think I understood my need for Jesus and the love of God better than I ever have. You see, self-sufficiency is a game that I play quite often. I'm constantly running on my competency, not reliance on Him, but I want to be back there. 

To be continued...