Gene

8:59- I pulled into the parking lot of Trinity Christian Academy. I was supposed to be there at 8:45, but got confused in my trek across the metroplex & thus was late. I ran up to the front doors, shoes in hand & socks in my purse, flew threw the elementary school area hallway between various teachers prepping their spots for the upcoming school year, found the dance room thanks to a fellow employee, collected my thoughts, & entered in a semi-professional manner. After introducing myself, I realized that I had left a fairly important box of goods in my car to sell to the Trinity Trojanettes. And so I left the dance room again. This time more calmly. I made it out to my car, managed to balance the giant, merchandise-filled box up to the front doors, mind you it was already 85 degrees, somehow succeeded in opening the front doors with nothing more than my thumb & index finger, & started making the trek back down the lower school area hallway-- teachers didn't stop staring. About halfway down the hallway, I met a man I was hoping I would meet.

His name was Gene. He looked to be in his mid-fifties. He was tall, donned a matching hat & shirt with "TCA" embroidered on them & a red-lettered name tag that obviously read "Gene," & spent his day looking through a fairly large pair of bifocals. Summarily, he was an adorable old man.

I don't know if Gene was startled by my lumbering down the hallway or frightened for my safety due to restricted vision by the big box, but he poked his head out of an office & asked if I needed his help. A little confused by all of the activity of the morning, I turned around in two circles & eventually complied with what I believe was Gene's rhetorical question. Gene said, "I'll trade you my coffee." So, I held Gene's coffee, & Gene held my big box. We continued our way down the hallway when Gene inquired about where we were headed. I told him the dance room. Gene replied, "That's where I was headed. I'm going to teach those two left footed, white, Baptist girls how to dance." After regaining my composure, I admittedly told Gene that that's me, except I don't have two left feet. Gene & I finally walked through the dance room doors, & my box had made it's way to where it needed to be- the goal of the morning, but more importantly, I met Gene.

I've never been one to harp on "random acts of kindness," but Gene's act of kindness will never be forgotten. He was a sweet man, & he expertly radiated the love of Jesus Christ as if he knew The Man himself, & I have a feeling that he did. He was encouraging to my spirit, & I didn't mind the few laughs in between.

The rest of the day went beautifully, & I fell in love with the Trinity Christian Trojanettes. They're joyful young women, filled to the brim with Jesus, & they, too, encouraged me to fall at the feet of my Savior everyday & dance at His throne. These words hung on the mirror of their dance room:

Talent- It's God-given. Be thankful.
Fame-It's man-given. Be humble.
Self-Conceit- It's self-given. Be careful.

Today was a day of sweet reminders. Thank You, Jesus.
Edit:// I also met a little puppy today named Bella. : )

August Ninth

Today...

Up: The clouds & sunshine interplayed for a splendid view.
Down: It was stiflingly hot.

Up: I enjoyed a delicious cup of coffee this morning.
Down: I had to wake up at 6:00 am.

Up: I talked to my ever-so-kind man on the phone.
Down: I couldn't talk to him for hours.

Up: I really love my job.
Down: I questioned my love for my job.

Up: Deas Vail is playing in the background.
Down: I don't know the words to all of the songs.
(This aggravates me.)

Up: I was in my pajamas at 6:00 pm.
Down: I did not go to sleep at 6:00 pm.

Up: I had good intentions of calling some friends.
Down: I never called those friends.

Up: God has been quietly making
conversation with me...All day long.
Down:

David said it twice:
"Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be all over the earth."
Psalm 57:5 & 11












(P.C.: Google Images)
:// Take me to Matthew Arnold's Dover Beach, please.

The sea is calm to-night.

The tide is full, the moon lies fair

Upon the straits; —on the French coast the light

Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,

Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.

Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!

...

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help from pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Coming Back

I've missed this. I've missed sharing a slice of my heart with the world wide web...

I'm not entirely sure where June & July went or how it's already August, so I won't even attempt to put into words the last two months. The last two hours, however, I can share about. Since earlier this afternoon, I've attempted to begin the painful & nearly impossible task of taking a good, long look at myself-- the self that rests, struggles, & moves beneath my flesh & bone. The trials, the quirks, the silly nothings, the motives. With all of this exploration, I have consistently found that everything returns to who God is & my relationship with Him. All of me, & what I & others perceive of myself, hinges on Him. As my relationship with Him grows, my understanding of myself grows. So, my head & heart have been wrestling with one "simple" question: Who am I?

Who am I?

Praise God there are countless explanations in the Bible to this loaded question. I am a sinner, & I have been saved (First Timothy 1:15). I am a new creation (Second Corinthians 5:17). I have been made alive in Him (Ephesians 1). My body is His temple, & His presence is my home (First Corinthians 3). I am a child of the Light (Ephesians 5). I am beautiful & unique (Psalm 139). I am free (Galatians 5). I am light in a dark place, a lover of my enemies, a sharer of the Good News, living evidence of God's grace & mercy, a portrait of His love, a listener, a learner, an encourager, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am all of these things & so much more.

Then, there are the more "frilly things" about me. There are the human things-- favorite color, disposition, passions, the internal juxtapositions of extroversion & introversion, passivity & ambition, emotional & logical-- all of these "things" vying for domination day after day. So, here are a few things that I've seemed to notice remain consistent about myself. Some of these things good & some of them needing continual, persistent sanctification.

I am confident, but I am hesitant.
I would rather not confront.
I am a creature of habit & familiarity.
I generally choose my family.
I thrive in routine & dislike change.
I want to be a wife and mom and teacher.
All at the same time. All right now.
I treasure a good cup of coffee.
I am attracted to funny people.
I can laugh at myself & often make others do so, too.
I like a clean slate, but realize I never had one.
I enjoy cooking, but am annoyed by the time it takes to do so.
I like watching people eat the food I sometimes cook.
I am forever trying.
I have learned to not place expectations on things or people.
I don't care enough.
I don't speak up enough.
I relish in autumn.
I am content.
I will always be a John Mayer fan.
I am the spitting image of my mother with my father's disposition.
I am a daughter of the King.
My life is not my own.


My name is Kelsey.
And as for my favorite color, well, I have no idea.
I do like cupcakes, though.

John Mayer & Jesus in the Same Post

"You ever have that thought that bums you out--you have a thought that bums you out and you're bummed out by the thought, but the thought escapes you, so all you're left with is being bummed out, but you can't remember what it was that bummed you out in the first place so you spend time going back in your mind trying to figure out why you're not looking forward to Tuesday, whatever Tuesday is--you're like, 'What's wrong with Tuesday? Hasn't even happened yet and I'm freaked out about it.' Well, this is a song about going back in your head and making a list and checking it twice and--that was a holiday reference during the summer. Let's hear it for me!"- J.Mayer

Long, but fitting. A summer storm eclipsed the sky this evening, flashes of lightning struck the surrounding air, rain fell at varying intensities & something changed in me. I'm usually uplifted by the darkening of the sky, but tonight was different. Tonight, I became aloof; I became withdrawn. I'm not depressed, but an air of sadness has fallen over me.

In the past three weeks, normalcy and routine have been completely eradicated from my life as I have returned home from school & regrettably settled into the swing of summer. Supposedly, I have been resting, & yet, I'm still tired. Apparently, I've needed these listless days to recharge, but I have become restless. You'd think I'd know the shape of home by now, but I need to relearn how to fit under this roof...Because of the slight adjustment in every day life that I'm begrudgingly accepting, I will admit that I have forgotten about the one constant in life. Christ.

As I look back at the last 21 days, I see lack of time spent in His presence, & I am without excuse. I am always without excuse & always learning the value in consuming myself with Him, daily. I need Him to rid me of the things innate within me. I am a lazy summer without Him. I am without direction & without motivation without Him... I barely exist.

I think I found the thought that has bummed me out, & so I will go to Him, craving His spirit. Always. Thank You for the promise of life, Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!

















(P.C.: Weheartit)

Good thing I recognize this building to be at the corner of Wacker Dr. & N. Michigan Ave. in Downtown Chicago. I'm in love...

Edit:// It doesn't help that Ryan Trevino (Boyfriend Extraordinaire) will be in my favorite place for a couple of days. Lucky.

Conclusions

My first year of college is almost over...Weird! This year has been filled with wonder, heartbreak, happiness, & an endless supply of joy. Things have been graciously taken away while others have been graciously given, & I think I've begun to touch the iceberg of accepting brokenness & transparency, both in myself & others. Change has surrounded me, newness has penetrated my soul, & yet Love has conquered my dislike for both of those things. I'm eternally grateful for a God who has afforded me another day to bask in His mercy, & I pray...

He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure. Isaiah 33:6

This past year, I have only been trying to act justly, love mercy, & walk humbly with my God, & I firmly believe He has manifested Himself in my life in countless ways despite the times I have failed. I have been challenged, I have grown, & I have learned about His character. He has been Giver, Lover, Friend; Secret Keeper, Provider, Pasture Maker. He has been my Foothold that's familiar. He is the Beginning and the End. So, as I press on with my school work, dreaming about the summer days, I'm reminded that He has also been faithful in answering questions and fears that have crept into me about what my summer will hold. Now, I just can't wait for it to start...













(P.C.: Google Images)
Here's to the tousled hair, no makeup, sitting by the pool (with an obliging boyfriend), carefree days of summer! (As I write this, I'm wondering how many of these days will actually happen.)

Bless & be blessed.

Bizzzzy Beee

I find that when I'm stressed I make lists. Lists & lists & lists. Today, I made four lists. I'm not stressed, but I'm trying to ward off any remnant of those feelings that might have the courage to sneak up on me this week. Here's to the busy week ahead...
















(P.C.: Weheartit)
I'm excited!

Silence

Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting lost in the white noise of this "blogosphere," & as a result, I am discouraged from writing. But, since I am here writing, these words are mine. Neither wrong nor right. As I "say" that, I also know that I haven't been motivated to write. I feel like I haven't had much to say, & honestly, I've had a hard time cracking open my journal to write to the Author of Life. The one who created the idea of pen to paper.

What pains me is that so much of life has happened in the last few weeks. I have been learning, learning, learning. Growing, growing, & growing. I have been living in Him, & I have been fully alive in His promises. But I've been thinking...maybe it's okay to let "life" resonate inside before I can explain it. Maybe it's okay to need quiet & to be silent.

All the while, I have learned that not acknowledging the thriving freedom found in Jesus Christ is cancerous to my soul. Savoring transparency, curiosity, & gratitude are necessary & fruitful. And love just might be the nucleus of all joy.

I hope this early early early Tuesday morning finds you filled with wonder...












(P.C.: Google Images)
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor & glory for ever and ever. Amen. First Timothy 1:17