Choose to Stay

Run, it's always your instinct
Run, it feels like the right thing to turn your back and run
Where, where are you going as fast as you can
Run...

Stay
Just Stay
You're where you're meant to be
You're no runaway
Why don't you stay...

-Stay, Joy Williams

This song has been played over & over in my little apartment room, 131B, like an anthem. An anthem to my life. A reminder to abide in Jesus. To stay with Him. Just today, I have realized that He is creative beyond my understanding, beautiful beyond my recognition, & holy beyond my comprehension, amongst a kajillions of other things. (Note:// Kajillion is not a word, but jillion is.) And I have also realized that in response to the wonders of God & His love for me, I must pick up my cross & follow Him. I must drop my fishing nets, like Andrew & Peter, & follow Him. I must die to myself & follow Him. I must lose my life for His sake in order to find it. (Another note://I'm pretty sure Jesus said this about five times. Don't quote me on it, but it must be important.) I'm still trying to learn what exactly that looks like, but I hope that in learning, I will fall more in love with my Creator.

My favorite: For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me & for the gospel will save it. Mark 8:35

The beautiful thing about Jesus, the Cross, actively pursuing a relationship with Him, being full of Joy, & remaining in the Light is the choice to do so. The Israelites were given the choice between life & prosperity or death & destruction. Choosing life, choosing to be obedient to God, not being distracted by other gods & worshiping them, & choosing to make Him the length of all days- It's that hard. It's that easy.

In everything...
Choose Life. Choose trust. Choose to remember. Choose to seek Him. Choose to turn off the TV. Choose good music (This is relative). Choose vegetables. Choose romance. Choose loyalty. Choose joy. Choose to strive for more out of a relationship, not more out of the other person. Choose to be content. Choose to be uncomfortable. Choose responsibility. Choose to be brave. Choose passion. Choose to cross at the crosswalk. Choose coffee. Choose to say yes. Choose dogs. Choose to do the hard thing. Choose to stop. Choose to go. Choose Love. Choose to stay.

I feel like a Hallmark card, so I must sign off this blogging before I vomit all over myself.












(P.C.: Google Images)
Autumn, I choose to wait for you...only because I have some boots like that, & my feet are itching to be in them.

Unscholarly Commentary on the Word

Warning: This post is a little caddywhompus.

This morning, my first morning back in the hipster mecca that is Denton, TX, I am enjoying a delish cup of coffee, reading, journaling, & being satiated by God through His Word. His living and active Word that pierces spirit, soul, & marrow. The Bible.

In the past year, maybe a little less, I have grown to adore and desire the black letters on the white pages. They have fed me, nurtured me, & satisfied me; they have healed me, comforted me, & humbled me; they have counseled me, taught me, & relieved me; they have penetrated me, pursued me, & rescued me.The written Word has revealed to me the Living Word, & the Living Word has delivered me. The Word of God is a lamp unto my feet & a light unto my path (Psalm 119:105), hidden in my heart (Psalm 119:11), & my sword (Ephesians 6:17). I cannot help but treasure it.

The Word, God's primary healing agent, has cured me. When I sat in darkness & the deepest gloom, suffering in iron chains, He sent forth His word & healed me; He rescued me from the grave (Psalm 107:10-21), & I trust He will do so again & again. The writer of Psalm 119:92 testified to this healing power: "If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction."

The Great Physician has allowed me to harbor a love for His Word & its healing powers, & I am forever grateful. And now you know my thoughts on something I too easily take for granted. For when Your Word is not my delight, send it forth.













(P.C.: Google Images)
Post Script:// School starts tomorrow.

He Must Become Greater

I know a boy.

A boy who likes adventure. A boy who likes activity. A boy who likes the outdoors. Rockclimbing, biking, running, music, camping, trees, wilderness, stars, the ocean, surfing, skateboarding, slacklining, people, sharing Jesus Christ boldly.

I know a boy who adores God's creation & immersing himself in that creation.

I know a girl.

A girl who likes the indoors. A girl who likes comfort. A girl who likes familiarity. Coffee, dance, books, journaling, reading, baking, arts & crafts, chitchat, getting dressed up, blogging, cleaning, begin alone, sharing Jesus Christ reticently.

I know a girl who adores God's creativity & immersing herself in that creativity.

It just so happens that that girl is me. And that I like that boy.The last few days while my boy has been out of town, I have spent some quality time in His green pastures, resting beside His quiet waters & trying to figure out how I can die to myself in this love relationship that I am in. How can I die to myself in all relationships that I am in & truly allow Him to become greater?

As I said before, I am all too good at getting comfortable at where I am in my life. Comfortable in my relationship with Christ, in my routine activities, in my 'almost 20 year old, college girl with no financial responsibility, completely taken care of' body. Why would I not be comfortable? Sidenote://Because I am an alien (First Peter 2), & I do not belong in this world (John 15).

That boy I was talking about, well, God so graciously placed him at a coffee table across from me on January 8th & has given me the opportunity to be in his life. Ryan Trevino severely pulls me out of my comfort zone whether that be by bike riding (I know...) or sharing things about myself that vanquish any hopes I have of maintaining a perfect reputation. Ryan Trevino, without knowing, encourages me to elect God as my foothold that's familiar rather than relying on him, my parents, myself, or my circumstances, & I am so grateful. Ryan Trevino makes me die to my comfort. Correction:// God uses Ryan Trevino to make me die to my comfort & my grasp on familiar things.

This rambling, I guess, is a reminder to myself that I must make this upcoming school year about being uncomfortable. In my discomfort, He will become greater. Now, that doesn't mean I must go rockclimbing all the time, because the Lord knows that won't happen, but maybe I can share Jesus more courageously. Maybe I can share Him with more than just my actions or my "good" behavior. I'm pretty sure St. Francis of Assisi was mistaken when he said, "Share the gospel at all times-- when necessary, use words." He would probably apologize for that if he could. John the Bap said it best, "He must become greater; I must become less."

I hope these strings of unconnected thoughts make some sense...

In the meantime, I will go on thinking happy thoughts about sweaters, hot chocolate (which I don't particularly like, fyi), Christmas lights, mistletoe, & the possibility of snow this winter while Sufjan's Christmas albums play in the background...Am I dreaming with temperatures in the triple digits these days? Maybe.

 














(P.C.: Google Images)

Gene

8:59- I pulled into the parking lot of Trinity Christian Academy. I was supposed to be there at 8:45, but got confused in my trek across the metroplex & thus was late. I ran up to the front doors, shoes in hand & socks in my purse, flew threw the elementary school area hallway between various teachers prepping their spots for the upcoming school year, found the dance room thanks to a fellow employee, collected my thoughts, & entered in a semi-professional manner. After introducing myself, I realized that I had left a fairly important box of goods in my car to sell to the Trinity Trojanettes. And so I left the dance room again. This time more calmly. I made it out to my car, managed to balance the giant, merchandise-filled box up to the front doors, mind you it was already 85 degrees, somehow succeeded in opening the front doors with nothing more than my thumb & index finger, & started making the trek back down the lower school area hallway-- teachers didn't stop staring. About halfway down the hallway, I met a man I was hoping I would meet.

His name was Gene. He looked to be in his mid-fifties. He was tall, donned a matching hat & shirt with "TCA" embroidered on them & a red-lettered name tag that obviously read "Gene," & spent his day looking through a fairly large pair of bifocals. Summarily, he was an adorable old man.

I don't know if Gene was startled by my lumbering down the hallway or frightened for my safety due to restricted vision by the big box, but he poked his head out of an office & asked if I needed his help. A little confused by all of the activity of the morning, I turned around in two circles & eventually complied with what I believe was Gene's rhetorical question. Gene said, "I'll trade you my coffee." So, I held Gene's coffee, & Gene held my big box. We continued our way down the hallway when Gene inquired about where we were headed. I told him the dance room. Gene replied, "That's where I was headed. I'm going to teach those two left footed, white, Baptist girls how to dance." After regaining my composure, I admittedly told Gene that that's me, except I don't have two left feet. Gene & I finally walked through the dance room doors, & my box had made it's way to where it needed to be- the goal of the morning, but more importantly, I met Gene.

I've never been one to harp on "random acts of kindness," but Gene's act of kindness will never be forgotten. He was a sweet man, & he expertly radiated the love of Jesus Christ as if he knew The Man himself, & I have a feeling that he did. He was encouraging to my spirit, & I didn't mind the few laughs in between.

The rest of the day went beautifully, & I fell in love with the Trinity Christian Trojanettes. They're joyful young women, filled to the brim with Jesus, & they, too, encouraged me to fall at the feet of my Savior everyday & dance at His throne. These words hung on the mirror of their dance room:

Talent- It's God-given. Be thankful.
Fame-It's man-given. Be humble.
Self-Conceit- It's self-given. Be careful.

Today was a day of sweet reminders. Thank You, Jesus.
Edit:// I also met a little puppy today named Bella. : )

August Ninth

Today...

Up: The clouds & sunshine interplayed for a splendid view.
Down: It was stiflingly hot.

Up: I enjoyed a delicious cup of coffee this morning.
Down: I had to wake up at 6:00 am.

Up: I talked to my ever-so-kind man on the phone.
Down: I couldn't talk to him for hours.

Up: I really love my job.
Down: I questioned my love for my job.

Up: Deas Vail is playing in the background.
Down: I don't know the words to all of the songs.
(This aggravates me.)

Up: I was in my pajamas at 6:00 pm.
Down: I did not go to sleep at 6:00 pm.

Up: I had good intentions of calling some friends.
Down: I never called those friends.

Up: God has been quietly making
conversation with me...All day long.
Down:

David said it twice:
"Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be all over the earth."
Psalm 57:5 & 11












(P.C.: Google Images)
:// Take me to Matthew Arnold's Dover Beach, please.

The sea is calm to-night.

The tide is full, the moon lies fair

Upon the straits; —on the French coast the light

Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,

Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.

Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!

...

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help from pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Coming Back

I've missed this. I've missed sharing a slice of my heart with the world wide web...

I'm not entirely sure where June & July went or how it's already August, so I won't even attempt to put into words the last two months. The last two hours, however, I can share about. Since earlier this afternoon, I've attempted to begin the painful & nearly impossible task of taking a good, long look at myself-- the self that rests, struggles, & moves beneath my flesh & bone. The trials, the quirks, the silly nothings, the motives. With all of this exploration, I have consistently found that everything returns to who God is & my relationship with Him. All of me, & what I & others perceive of myself, hinges on Him. As my relationship with Him grows, my understanding of myself grows. So, my head & heart have been wrestling with one "simple" question: Who am I?

Who am I?

Praise God there are countless explanations in the Bible to this loaded question. I am a sinner, & I have been saved (First Timothy 1:15). I am a new creation (Second Corinthians 5:17). I have been made alive in Him (Ephesians 1). My body is His temple, & His presence is my home (First Corinthians 3). I am a child of the Light (Ephesians 5). I am beautiful & unique (Psalm 139). I am free (Galatians 5). I am light in a dark place, a lover of my enemies, a sharer of the Good News, living evidence of God's grace & mercy, a portrait of His love, a listener, a learner, an encourager, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am all of these things & so much more.

Then, there are the more "frilly things" about me. There are the human things-- favorite color, disposition, passions, the internal juxtapositions of extroversion & introversion, passivity & ambition, emotional & logical-- all of these "things" vying for domination day after day. So, here are a few things that I've seemed to notice remain consistent about myself. Some of these things good & some of them needing continual, persistent sanctification.

I am confident, but I am hesitant.
I would rather not confront.
I am a creature of habit & familiarity.
I generally choose my family.
I thrive in routine & dislike change.
I want to be a wife and mom and teacher.
All at the same time. All right now.
I treasure a good cup of coffee.
I am attracted to funny people.
I can laugh at myself & often make others do so, too.
I like a clean slate, but realize I never had one.
I enjoy cooking, but am annoyed by the time it takes to do so.
I like watching people eat the food I sometimes cook.
I am forever trying.
I have learned to not place expectations on things or people.
I don't care enough.
I don't speak up enough.
I relish in autumn.
I am content.
I will always be a John Mayer fan.
I am the spitting image of my mother with my father's disposition.
I am a daughter of the King.
My life is not my own.


My name is Kelsey.
And as for my favorite color, well, I have no idea.
I do like cupcakes, though.